


Teaching is not for the Weak

by spikesgirl58



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E.
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-08
Updated: 2013-08-08
Packaged: 2017-12-22 20:33:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/917733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spikesgirl58/pseuds/spikesgirl58
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What could Illya do to put the fear of the Russian into the hearts of his students?  </p><p>This is based on a joke that I put up on Making_us_laugh yesterday.  It’s not beta, but hopefully it won’t make your eyes bleed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Teaching is not for the Weak

 

“This can’t be happening to me.”  Illya stared up at the ceiling. 

 

His partner smiled down at him in the hospital bed and nodded.  “It’s happening, all right.  This is a cautionary tale about what not to do when leaping from a car.”

 

“It was going to blow up.  What do you think I should have done?”  Illya avoided sighing.  Even with the painkillers, it wasn’t worth the pain.  “How am I supposed to teach an ordinance class now?”

 

“I can help with that.”  Dr. Mackey entered the room, a sheath of x-rays beneath one arm.  “I’ve been going over things and I think we can make you functional.”

 

“Great!”

 

“Don’t get too excited yet.  We will be fitting you with an upper torso cast.  You’ll have to wear it for the next few weeks.”

 

“What?  How am I going to teach in that?”

 

“That’s a tough break, partner, no pun intended.  The guys assigned to you are the worst of the worst, green, stubborn, and young.  You are going to have your hands full.”  Napoleon patted Illya’s arm.  “But I’m sure you will come up with something.”

 

“Swell.” 

 

                                                            ****

 

Roy Collins followed his buddy into the class room and grabbed the closest available seat.  Stuart Cross trailed behind him, sputtering and cursing quietly.  They weren’t bad agents, they were just lacking in judgment and restraint, according to their last evaluation

 

“I still don’t see why we need this refresher course.  We already had it once.” 

 

“Yes, well, considering we sent the last guy screaming from the room, I suspect it’s more a case of us finishing the class as starting a new one.”    Roy laughed at the mental image he had of their last instructor.  The Section Three never even knew what hit him. “There isn’t one thing this guy can teach us.” 

 

“Do you know who ‘this guy’ is?”  Brian Franks turned in his chair.  “It’s the Russian.”

 

“Kuryakin?”  Stuart’s eyes grew wide.  “There are stories about him, really crazy stories.”

 

“He’s really old!  He must be in his thirties by now,” Brian added.  “He’s supposed to be something else.”

 

“They pulled him from the field for this?  Oh, we have to make this worth his time.”  Roy rubbed his hands together.  “Let’s make it worth our while.”  He turned in his seat and snapped his fingers to attract the attention of his classmates.  “What do you say?” A hundred bucks to the one who breaks him?” 

 

There was a murmur of consensus.  “Jim, watch the door.”

 

                                                            ****

 

Illya slid his jacket into place and stared at his reflection.  Thankfully the cast was invisible under his shirt and jacket.  If he made it through today, it would be a miracle.

 

Putting on his game face, he walked from his office to the classroom.  He saw someone duck inside and knew everything he’d heard was true.  These guys were going to make his life hell unless he showed them who was boss.

 

He walked into the room and looked out over the faces.  Thinly guised sneers and open challenges stared back at him.

 

“It’s a little hot in here, isn’t it?”  He walked over to a fan and turn in on full.  Then he took off his jacket and draped it over the back of his chair.

 

“Let’s talk about the properties and functions of C4.”  The fan made his necktie dance and some of his students snickered.  With a sigh, Illya reached behind him and picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.  There was an audible gasp from his students as he returned to stapler to the desk.  The looks had changed from aggressive to terrified.  _Excellent._ “As I was saying…”

 

                                                           


End file.
